


These are our shippers, John

by deduction (orphan_account)



Series: Shipperverse [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, M/M, Meta, Not series 2 compatible, Pre-Reichenbach to Post-Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2012-02-08
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:27:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/deduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John’s Blog becomes popular and gains a fan club who likes writing fan fiction about him and Sherlock and anyone else mentioned in the blog. Mostly porn. John is mortified but Sherlock is intrigued. He takes to trolling the fandom and, maybe, writing his own fics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nothing Happens to Me

**Author's Note:**

> WIP. Not series 2 compatible, although it will cover the events of Reichenbach eventually.

If you were to ask him, John Watson would say that there is nothing extraordinary about him, only that he was once an army doctor, but that all went to shite when a bullet pierced through his shoulder as he attempted to save a wounded solider. Nowadays he lived with a raving lunatic, a consulting detective (the only one in the world) and considered himself a sidekick. John Watson was the sort of man who people would look over and not know that he loved the thrill of danger or that he has killed and would again. He was a man with a therapy ordered blog. Yes, if asked about himself, he would say there was nothing special at all.   ****

 ****So why was it that all of a sudden John’s blog was getting thousands of unique hits per day? ****

 ****John began to notice a slight increase in the amount of comments he received after typing up a case where he and Sherlock investigated the disappearance of a rare gemstone belonging to a high profile reality television show host. It wasn’t a case that Sherlock would typically pick up, but with cases drying up, he would take anything with even the slightest mystery. The case had taken an interesting turn, not even Sherlock could have foreseen that geese would be involved in any way, shape, or form, but the precious stone was delivered back to the host just in time for the live finale. They had even made it back to the flat in time for John to catch the end when the winner was announced. He wasn’t one for these sorts of shows, but the host had been grateful, blindingly attractive, and flirtatious with him so it gave him more than enough reason to watch. ****

 ****Nowhere in the blog entry had he mentioned the host's name. Yet it seemed that the entirety of the Internet had found his blog. The entry garnered 197 comments in the first day, and another 100 or so over the next week. From time to time people _still_ comment on it. Not all replies were directed towards John; it seemed that some of the users were having conversations with each other over comments. It surprised him, but it was nothing that he was worried about. It actually felt nice to have someone other than his mates, his sister and his therapist reading his blog. ****

 ****Anytime John mentioned the a new surge in comments, Sherlock would brush it off. Once he even told John that if the comments continued he would have to start giving a more accurate account of their cases, as it was “embarrassing for others to read that annotated version of his deductions.” Something about it making him sound pedestrian. John hadn’t really listened. ****

 ****“Sherlock what did you do to my laptop?” John sat at the table in the sitting room while Sherlock steeped his fingers under his chin. He was the last person to use his laptop and now his blog was inaccessible. He couldn’t get in and he was sure that Sherlock had to have changed the settings to get back at him for making ‘accidentally’ sending the picture of him, drunk in a sombrero to Lestrade and crew. ****

 ****“Hmm?” It wasn’t even worth it for Sherlock to offer a proper response. ****

 ****“I said I was sorry for sending the picture, now what did you do to my laptop? Why can’t I log onto my blog?” ****

 ****“Don’t be dull; I haven’t done anything to your laptop. Do you think that I would waste my time on such petty acts as revenge?” ****

 ****“Yes, yes actually I would. Remember when you changed my password to JohnBuyMilk? Or how about when you changed it to JohnYourPasswordIsTooEasy? Or JohnIsAPrettyPirate? And what was the other?” ****

 ****Sherlock smirked. “Waffle_Maker. That one was my favourite. ****

 ****“I don’t know how that was relevant at the time, but I still don’t even know how to get that line on the bottom! So to answer your question, yes you would stoop as low as revenge. Now what have you done to my laptop?” ****

 ****“I can assure you that I have not done anything to your laptop today.” ****

 ****“I keep trying to log into my blog and it tells me that there is a server error? What does that mean?” He turned the laptop around and pointed to the screen. Sherlock craned his neck to inspect the error. “Says there’s too much traffic?” ****

 ****“There are currently too many people on your blog for you to properly access it. I suggest you wait a few minutes before trying again.” ****

 ****John sighed. So, first a couple hundred comments here and there and now he can’t even log into his blog. For curiosities sake, he typed his blog web address into the address bar and hit enter. Sure, he wouldn’t be able to comment anyone back this way, but it would help him figure out what was causing the traffic. He hadn’t posted anything new in almost four weeks, so there was nothing new to attract his new followers. ****

 ****He slowly scrolled down his page, looking at the number of comments on each blog post and not finding anything too spectacular. Yes, there were a few more comments on each post. That was until he reached the second post - before he had moved in with Sherlock. He remembered all too clearly going to his therapist and saying those exact words: “Nothing happens to me.” Oh how things had changed. What was shocking was the amount of new comments left on the post, less than 24 hours prior. ****

**\-----------------------------------------------------------**

**15 December**

**Pointless**

Nothing happens to me ****

 **763 comments** **  
**[ **01** 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16  
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32] **  
** **Page 1 of 32** ****

 **  
**Hi John. I tried emailing you but it bounced back. How are things? I’m in London t the end of the month. Do you fancy meeting up? **  
** **Bill Murray** 21 December 17:46 ****

 ****Second comment! **  
** **Gina Stevens** 18 August 12:32

Stop spamming Gina Stevens!!! **  
** **Anonymous** 18 August 13:19 ****

 ****Lolololol Fourth comment! **  
** **Anonymous** 18 August 13:20

Ew Anon, I’m not spamming. You’re spamming by saying I’m spamming. **  
****Gina Stevens** 18 August 13:23 ****

 ****HI JHON!! **  
** **JW#1FAN** 18 August 13:24 ****

 ****I love how we get this post here where nothing happens to him and then we get to see him evolve from a caterpillar into the beautiful butterfly he is today. U rock, John. Give Sherlock my luv. xoxo Cynthia **  
** **Cynthia Stewart** 18 August 13:25 ****

 ****I <33333 JOHN WATOSN **  
** **JW#1FAN** 18 August 13:36 ****

 ****R u sure you and Sherlock aren’t sleeping together just wondering I wont judge? **  
** **Anonymous** 18 August 13:38 ****

 ****John Watson for Prime Minister! **  
** **James Wilson** 18 August 13:40 ****

 ****Seconded. **  
** **Gregory H.** 18 August 13:43 ****

 ****OH MY GOD HE KNOWS BILL MURRAY THE ACTOR? LOOK AT THE FIRST COMMENT!!!! **  
** **JW#1FAN** 18 August 13:49 ****

 ****I’m not buying it guys, I’m calling bullshit. I don’t believe there is a John Watson. He is probably a 14 year old girl trying to get a leg over on us. I’ve got proof! Email me @ FakerJohnWatson2011@aol.co.uk **  
** **Matthew Jonas** 18 August 13:50 ****

 ****no hes real look **[thescienceofdeduction.co.uk](http://thescienceofdeduction.co.uk/)** is sherlock homles he says john is real look forum pg 3 **  
** **Diana Smith** 18 August 13:50 ****

 ****LEARN HOW TO GRAMMAR DIANA SMITH **  
** **Anonymous** 18 August 13:52 ****

 ****JOHN WATSON IS SUCH A BAMF!! **  
** **JW#1FAN** 18 August 13:52 ****

 ****go f*** urself anonymous why r u such a grammer police **  
** **Diana Smith** 18 August 13:53 ****

 ****i bet anonmyous and jw#1fan r the same ppl **  
** **Diana Smith** 18 August 13:54 ****

 ****Hi John. *waves shyly* I’m a really fan of your blog. *blushes* I’m in the London area, maybe we could hook up and get coffee sometime? *giggles* PM me **  
** **Jessica G.** 18 August 13:54 ****

 ****Is your blog real? I mean maybe you’re a real person, but to go from “nothing happens to me” to going on these adventures. Not sure if legit?? **  
** **Rhys Carter** 18 August 13:54 ****

 ****John, I think it would be in your best interest if you did not PM Jessica G. She is probably a serial killer who wants to kill you even though you’d be able to find her because you’re so smart! I’m not trying to tell you how to run your life, but I just want you to be safe. I think we’d all be lost without your blog, right guys? **  
** **Jessie Klein** 18 August 13:57 ****

 ****AWAITING A NEW BLOG POST IT’S BEEN LIKE A MONTH R U OKAY JOHN **  
** **JW#1FAN** 18 August 13:57 ****

 ****Would you mind if I translated your posts for my fansite? **  
** **Watson Fan** 18 August 13:58 ****

 ****OMG A FANSITE?!?!?!? What’s the link? **  
** **Anonymous** 18 August 14:00 ****

 ****John send me pix @ waitin4u2cme@aol.co.uk **  
** **Anonymous** ****

 ****Next Page **> |** Last Page  >> ****

**\-----------------------------------------------------------**

John made it through the first page and let out his breath. He hadn’t realised he had been holding it for so long, but he felt like he had just travelled through the great depths of the unknown.

****

****“Sherlock?” ****

 ****“Hmm?” ****

 ****“Have you been on my blog recently?” ****

 ****“Should I have?” ****

 ****“No... just wondering.” They sat in companionable silence as John scrolled back through the first page of comments. There were no words for what he was feeling, a mixture of slightly creeped out? Flattered? Confused? ****

 ****“And you haven’t told anyone about it?” ****

 ****“Why would I work to make public the broken account of our cases John? Yes, I have spoken of your blog from my website, but other than the one instance your blog never crosses my mind.” ****

 ****Of course, how could he have thought Sherlock was the one to send his blog’s address around. It should have been blatantly obvious that Sherlock was too caught up in his own mind than care about his idiotic flatmate’s blog.

Sherlock stood up, walked across the coffee table and moved towards the kitchen. Hopefully he'd be sleeping tonight, for John didn't think he could handle another day of a cranky Sherlock moping around. "Goodnight then?"

Sherlock didn't bother to answer him.

“Wait. Sherlock? What’s a B-A-M-F? Is that good or bad?” ****

****Sherlock, who had been attempting to escape the situation, smirked. No matter what, he would not allow himself to laugh. Laughing at John’s new found Internet fame would be a moot point. He stopped and turned around to face John. “I believe the term you are searching for is BAMF, an acronym for bad ass mother fucker. Whether that is good or bad is really up to you." ****

 ****John’s eyes instantly shot towards Sherlock, his jaw dropped. “A... what? But... but... it says here that I am a BAMF?”

His smile faded. "Goodnight, John."

When he heard Sherlock's bedroom door click, John gave up trying to make sense of the comment and went back to sorting through the mess. There were so many new things to learn. Plus, he sort of liked the idea of being a “bad ass mother fucker.”


	2. Moonlight Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait is over! Moonlight Rush updated late last night. I know we've all been waiting on the edge of our seats to see if Sherlock jumps or not. You can read it here. We'll discuss over lunch.

**23 October**

 **The Six Napoleons + Thank you!**

I wanted to start this by saying thank you to all of my new readers. I’m still in shock that my last post received over 1000 comments. I now have a “hit counter” on my blog thanks to Sherlock so I will know how many people visit my blog. I don’t know where you all came from and I’m really curious so if someone could tell me in the comments where you found out about my blog I would really appreciate it! I appreciate all of my fans (I guess that is what you all are right?) I want to assure you all that Sherlock, the cases, and I are real. Enjoy The Six Napoleons!  **Read more...**

 **3143 comments**  
 **Page 39 of 63**  
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Still don't buy it.  
 **Richard Bates**  24 October 16:43

I found your blog through my sister!! She said there was some bloke who caught criminals around London and wrote about it on his blog! Couldn't pass that one up!! IDK where my sister found you!!  
 **Marie Craig**  24 October 16:43

I'm so glad you updated. I check your blog everyday hoping to catch another glimpse into the life of John Watson. It's like it comes straight out of a book! I also think you and Sherlock should just shag and get it over with though. Sounds like a whole lot of UST, amirite? Putting a hit counter of your blog for you = DTF imho  
 **Tristan Smith**  24 October 16:45

LIARS I LIVE IN LONDON WHY HAVENT I HEARD OF ANY OF THIS HUH GUYS THIS IS TOO SKECHY TO BELIEF  
 **Anonymous**  24 October 16:46

[whoistherealjohnwatson.tumblr.com](http://whoistherealjohnwatson.tumblr.com/)  
 **Susanna Holt**  24 October 16:47

I got a mass email from my boss telling us to check your blog out. You're a big hit around the office!  
 **Lisa M.**  24 October 16:47

LOL You hear that John? Sherlock is DTF!  
 **Harry Watson**  24 October 16:48

I have the biggest crush on you. *giggles*  
 **Jessica G.**  24 October 16:50

HARRY WATSON? Aren't you his sister or somthing? We should meet up! Bring John lol!   
 **Joy Davids**  24 October 16:53

[whoistherealjohnwatson.tumblr.com](http://whoistherealjohnwatson.tumblr.com/)  
 **Susanna Holt**  24 October 16:54

Stop spamming Susanna! You've been linking that page for the past 10 pages! We get the point.   
 **Anonymous**  24 October 16:55

Have you guys read the latest chapter of Moonlight Rush? Mmmmm. Put me in my bunk for HOURS. PM me for the link!  
 **Prince Watson**  24 October 16:55

FUCK U  
 **Anonymous**  24 October 16:56

Guys! Calm down! As a fandom we have to respect our King. <33333  
 **~*~MrsWatson~*~**  24 October 16:57

\-----------------------------------------------------------

 **To** : sdonovan@nsy.co.uk; manderson@nsy.co.uk; glestrade@nsy.co.uk; sgregson@nsy.co.uk; bhammond@nsy.co.uk; ffitzgerald@nsy.co.uk; sthompson@nsy.co.uk; clicht@nsy.co.uk; rlemane@nsy.co.uk; jcooke@nsy.co.uk...  
 **From** : bdimmock@nsy.co.uk  
 **Subject** : Update: Moonlight Rush Chapter 13

The wait is over! Moonlight Rush updated late last night. I know we've all been waiting on the edge of our seats to see if Sherlock jumps or not. You can read it here. We'll discuss over lunch. 

Dimmock

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
Rating: Explicit  
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence  
Category: M/M  
Fandom: John Watson Blog (RPF)  
Relationship: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes  
Additional Tags: Adventure, First Time, BAMF!John, John to the rescue, Crime fighting, Public Sex  
Published: 2010-10-01 | Words: 20539 | Chapters: 13/25 | Comments: 298 | Hits: 10799

 **Moonlight Rush**   
JohnsBondGirl

Summary:  
John and Sherlock find themselves up against the most wanted crime ring in all of London, the Night Slashers. Will they be able to save themselves and admit their feelings for each other? 

Notes:  
The response has been so overwhelming! Sorry for leaving off with a cliffhanger last time. ;) I'm pumping out updates as quick as I can. So much thanks to my beta PrinceWatson! Couldn't do it without you darling! Ready for some dirty, hot sexy time? <3 

Sherlock jumped. 

"Sherlock!" John screamed from the rooftop of the other building. He knew that Sherlock could be such an idiot sometimes but to just jump... there had to have been another way, he refused to think that he would be so dumb as to risk his life like that! As Sherlock flew through the air, life for John went in slow motion. He could see the life he knew with Sherlock flash before his eyes and he wasn't even the one who jumped off a rooftop seven stories in the air. But if Sherlock died, John Watson's spirit would die too. He had never believed in human kind before Sherlock. He taught him how to live. 

Sherlock landed on the edge of the second building. John exhaled and ran over to the edge in order to help the man he knew he was in love with up. Although he was fit, John knew that he didn’t have the strength to pull himself up fully on to the top of the building. Being in the army for ten years, John was much stronger than Sherlock, so he pulled him up. ****

****The moon was shining brightly that night. The stars in the sky were bright as well. The wind that was blowing earlier had finally died down. The night was so clear. Sherlock was so thankful for John’s help. He stared longingly into his eyes. ****

 ****“John... I...” ****

 ****“Shhh.” John held him. “Don’t speak.” John leaned forward to push his forehead against Sherlock’s and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about losing this man. He loved him so much, if only had had the guts to tell him. ****

 ****“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped.” ****

 ****“Damn bleeding right you shouldn’t have. Are you hurt? You banged your knee really hard against the side of the building.” John moved to lay Sherlock down on top of the roof. ****

 ****“I think I may have scraped it, but nothing to worry about Doctor.” Sherlock’s breathing hitched at the word doctor. As did John’s. ****

 ****“Well then I’ll just have to take a look at it, shall I?” John motioned to Sherlock’s knees ****

 ****Sherlock nodded. “I trust you to take care of me.” ****

 ****That statement warmed John’s heart. Sherlock was always making statements like that one, he was so sentimental, but this time it make his heart feel like it was going to explode! God it hurt. John rolled up Sherlock’s pant leg. On his left knee was heavily bruised with ripped skin. He must have hit it pretty hard on the sit of the building for this to happen. “Oh Sherlock.” John sighed. ****

 ****John whipped out his medical kit from his back pocket. He always kept it there in case of emergencies, and when he was with Sherlock there were always emergencies. Sherlock wasn’t the most graceful of people, so he often got bumped up. There were also all of the fist fights they got into with hardened criminals. People used to laugh at him, but now when he whipped out his med kit, they all rejoiced as Dr. Watson was there to fix their wounds! Needless to say, John Watson was on every man and woman’s doctor fantasy lists!

John carefully wiped at the blood around Sherlock’s wounds. Sherlock winced at the antiseptic, it burned. “Oww.” ****

****“I’m sorry, luv.” The word slipped out of his mouth. Sherlock didn’t seem to notice though. Adrenalin often left him in his own little world. His eyes shifted to John’s. ****

 ****“John.” He no longer sounded like he needed to catch his breath, but his voice was ragged. ****

 ****“Yes?” John looked up from the wounded knee to see that Sherlock’s pupils were blown wide.

“I...” He hesitated and then dismissed the matter, switching his focus into the darkness. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” ****

****“No you were going to say something? What is it? Are you feeling okay?” ****

 ****“That’s the thing John, I’m feeling more than perfectly okay. I feel... on top of the world when I’m with you. Just... forget it.” ****

 ****So stubborn, he was. ****

 ****“Sherlock, are you trying to tell me that you love me?” ****

 ****“Now why would I say something like that?” ****

 ****“Because I love you too.” ****

 ****There was a heavy silence between them. Their eyes were locked the entire time. Sherlock was the first to move forward and grip the back of John’s manly neck. “John, I do love you. And I want you. Romantically and sexually. But I think you should know...” ****

 ****“Yes Sherlock?” John was physiologically starting to react to Sherlock’s words. ****

 ****“I... I am inexperienced. I am a virgin.” ****

 ****John moved to close between them and kissed Sherlock. The kiss was gentle. He wanted Sherlock to know that he didn’t mind that he was inexperienced, but didn’t want to scare him off either. The kiss was all soft lips, John’s thinner than Sherlock’s, but no less soft, and no tongue at first. He broke off and smiled at Sherlock. “I love you, I won’t hurt you.” ****

 ****“I trust you.”

John carefully crawled on top of Sherlock, who was lying flat on his back on the concrete roof. He reached down between their bodies, between Sherlock's legs and stroked the thickening length underneath his pants. He then insisted on continuing the kissing assault on Sherlock's lips, this time rougher, more passionate. Sherlock moaned softly and it drove John wild.

"I can't believe we're doing this... up here... on the roof." John huffed. "Of all the ways I had imagined this."

Sherlock stopped and leaned back, exposing his neck. "Ooh, John, you've thought of this before? Tell me, tell me about it."

"I always think about it, I've always wanted you, ever since I met you." he brought his kisses down to Sherlock's long neck. "Remember that day... the day we met and I moved in with you. I knew then..." he left tender little love bites on the exposed area of his neck and began working the buttons of his shirt. "Sometimes I lock myself in my room and touch myself thinking of you."

"Ohhh, John."

John trailed down the newly unbuttoned opening with his mouth. That's when he heard a loud bang. The sound of a gun.

Notes: **  
**Cliffhanger again! Muahahahaz. You’ll get all the good smutty details next time! Next chapter was already sent to beta <333

 

 ** Comments (36) **

**ArmyDocChicka** **  
**NOOOOO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER? Let me worship at your feet BondGirl. ;) ****

 **PrinceWatson  
** Babygirl you already know what I think of this! Perfect! I can’t wait for them to GET. IT. ON.! Muahz. xoxo ****

 **StrummyMummy  
** I must say this every chapter but you capture John’s spirit perfectly!! ****

 **DIDim  
** Teared up a bit at their confessions. The build up to this has been amazing. Don’t let us down. ;D ****

 **EverythingHappensToMe  
** BondGirl, you’ve given us so many descriptions of how John looks (all muscle, hot, sexy, thick). What about Sherlock? How do you imagine he looks? ****

 **JohnsBondGirl  
** Good question! I’ve gotten lots of PMs asking me about this and I’ve thought about it long and hard (lmfao) and I imagine Sherlock to be everything that John isn’t. They’re so different that they just fit perfectly. John is tall and all muscle, while Sherlock is shorter (maybe 5’8?), lanky and quite frail. He’s dealt with physical combat before but he’s definitely not as skilled as John. He has short blond hair, has to wear contacts, wears clothes for comfort and not fashion. If you’d like more detail just PM me! ****

 **TheImprobableOne  
** Haha. Your descriptions are way off. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are. It's laughable. PM me if you want to know info on Sherlock Holmes. ;) ONLY GONNA ANSWER BONDGIRL, OTHERS NEED NOT PM.

 **Yardie**  
I’m reading this at work and swooning. ;_; omg. 


	3. The Impossible Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As John and Sherlock argued over the wounds all over the poor, dead man’s back another Detective Inspector rolled into the crime scene. He had never worked with Sherlock or John before, and he was new to the met. His dark hair was short, but stylish with spikes and his clothes were neat and ironed. His squad car was decked out in the latest police technology and made many of the others jealous.

For the first time in Ben Dimmock’s time at the Met, he felt like he was bringing something of substance to the afternoon lunch table. It had been somewhat tradition for the group to get together every week if permitted the time, have lunch, talk about their lives or lack there of, and then go on with their days. He began tagging along a few months after joining on at Scotland Yard, a fresh face with a newly earned badge. He should have been confident and ready to build rapport with his colleagues.

At first it seemed like the only thing anyone wanted to talk or complain about during lunch was Sherlock Holmes. After meeting him he joined in on the complaints, but his precursors to conversation went unnoticed. There was one thing that the team liked unanimously about Sherlock Holmes, and that was John Watson. Dimmock took a strong liking to John, mostly because he was described as a _part of_ Sherlock Holmes instead of his own person. Dimmock liked John, he deserved better than that.

The team had made it quite obvious that John had a blog. Every time there was an update a memo would get sent out. They would then proceed to laugh at Sherlock’s expense instead of taking the time to appreciate John’s efforts to act as Sherlock’s Boswell. Curiosity took the best of him one day, and he did a quick google search on John Watson.

Millions upon millions of results.

He updated his search with the link to John’s blog. Instead of millions of results, there were thousands -- wait, hold on, was that a _fansite_? Forty-five minutes and too many links later, Dimmock had landed himself into the Holy Abyss of the Internet. People actually took pleasure in writing about John and Sherlock’s lives? Not only their professional lives, but their sex lives as well? He would have been disgusted if he hadn’t been so intrigued by the whole idea.

At the beginning of October, he came across a new story, titled Moonlight Rush. He looked promising from the start and he bookmarked it. He let his findings slip the next day at the Yard’s weekly lunch, and to much his surprise they were enthralled by the idea as well. Now every time there was an update, he would send out a memo and they would discuss. He sort of felt like he was the leader of a book club.

“He may go around calling everyone else an idiot, but he would jump!” Sally Donovan, who had gotten the memo a bit late, was just looking up from her laptop, her eyes misted over.

“The whole time I was just thinking how in-character he was. Are we sure that this JohnsBondGirl isn’t an insider?” Eyes shifted around the room.

“Have you seen the way she describes Sherlock? Short, blond and wears _comfortable_ clothes.” Mike Anderson started to laugh. “They’ve made John into their personal knight in shining armor!”

“But you have to admit...” Sally added on, “the big reveal was sort of sweet, yeah?” They all nodded in agreement. “And I would love to have this beta’s job.”

Although all of this talk about Moonlight Rush was perfect, Dimmock still had something else on his mind, something that had been nagging him since before he started reading Moonlight Rush. He was only just started to feel comfortable enough to ask someone to help him out with it though.

 **\--------------------------------------------------------**

 **To:** [sdonovan@nsy.co.uk](mailto:sdonovan@nsy.co.uk)  
 **From:** [bdimmock@nsy.co.uk](mailto:bdimmock@nsy.co.uk)  
 **Subject:** Beta?

Donovan,

Great chapter today, wasn’t it? Can’t believe it’s half way through. I heard you talking about envying PrinceWatson’s job, being a beta and all. I was thinking about writing something in my spare time, you know. Maybe you’d like to beta? Think it over. If I’m crossing any boundaries, we’ll drop this. Won’t have to speak of it again.

Dimmock

 **To:** [bdimmock@nsy.co.uk](mailto:bdimmock@nsy.co.uk)  
 **From:** [sdonovan@nsy.co.uk](mailto:sdonovan@nsy.co.uk)  
 **Subject** : RE: Beta?

Thanks I think I’d like that. What did you have in mind?

S. Donovan

 **\--------------------------------------------------------**

Rating: General Audiences  
Archive Warning: No Warnings Apply  
Category: Gen; M/M  
Fandom: John Watson Blog (RPF)  
Relationship: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes  
Additional Tags: Friendship, OMC, One-shot, Case fic, Difficult, Impossible, Hero  
Published: 2010-10-27 | Words: 545 | Chapters: 1/2 | Comments: 2 | Hits: 116

 **The Impossible Case  
** DIDim

Summary:  
A mysterious and attractive new DI helps Sherlock and John solve a case!

Notes:  
This is my first fic please be gentle. This will have 2 chapters. Beta’d by Yardie couldn’t have done it without her.

Everyone stood over the body. He had been stabbed to death. It had been determined that the body belonged to a 43 year old man named Peter but nobody knew who the murderer was. Sherlock and John had been called in by Scotland Yard to look over the body and see if they could catch the murderer. They were the best detective/doctor team in all of London, but somehow no one had ever heard of them. Like one of London’s best kept secrets.

When John and Sherlock arrived they took a look at the body as well.

John inspected the corpse first. “He’s been dead at least four hours.” John said. “Stab wounds to the middle of his back.”

The Detective Inspector looked to Sherlock, hoping that he’d have something brilliant, or snarky to add on just like he always did. “Sherlock do you have anything for us?”

Sherlock knelt closer to the body. He seemed to be studying it but there was no output. “I just can’t... determine much about him as of yet.”

Everyone gasped. It was not often that something stumped Sherlock. Sherlock often gloated about how painfully obvious every little detail of a case was. He often yelled out words like ‘dull’, ‘idiot’ or ‘obtuse’ to describe others around him who didn’t pick up on things as quickly and as easily as he did. Even John was not immune.

John was confused as well, which was cause for greater concern. When Sherlock was unable to figure something out John was always there to fill in the gaps.

Sherlock finally spoke. “The only thing I can tell right off the bat is that this man has recently separated from his wife.”

“And how do you know that?”

Sherlock pointed to the dead man’s hand. “He has a very faint tan line on his ring finger, not pale enough that it was just taken off, but not exposed to the sun long enough to catch up with his tan.”

“Wow Sherlock! That’s great! But do you know who did it?” John replied.

Sherlock touched his fingers to his lips in thought. “No. Not yet.”

“I think the stabs to the back are significant.” Said John, assertively.

“I’m not so sure John. I think they’re just like any other stab markings.”

As John and Sherlock argued over the wounds all over the poor, dead man’s back another Detective Inspector rolled into the crime scene. He had never worked with Sherlock or John before, and he was new to the met. His dark hair was short, but stylish with spikes and his clothes were neat and ironed. His squad car was decked out in the latest police technology and made many of the others jealous.

“Wow.” said John. “Who’s that?” His attention was completely taken away from Sherlock. Sherlock didn’t like this because he was an attention hog.

“So I heard there was a murder?” the new, attractive man asked. He already knew the answer, but he figured instead of introducing himself he would jump right into the action. He whipped off his dark sunglasses. “Name’s Brad Jones.”

John gave him a cheerful smile.There was a sparkle in his eye. John Watson loved mystery. “Yes, right here.” he pointed towards the lifeless body.

 **  
Comments (2)   
**

**SapphireHouse**  
Take a shot anytime the author uses or describes the word “body.” Invest in a new beta, this one is not working out for you. And please do not quit your day job.

 **DIDim**  
D:<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you had an encounter with John Watson? If so, please submit your stories to whoistherealjohnwatson.tumblr.com ;)


	4. Does John Watson Practice Safe Sex?

Rating: Explicit  
Archive Warning: Graphic Descriptions of Violence  
Category: M/M  
Fandom: John Watson Blog (RPF)  
Relationship: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes  
Additional Tags: Adventure, First Time, BAMF!John, John to the rescue, Crime fighting, Public Sex  
Published: 2010-10-01 | Words: 21802 | Chapters: 14/25 | Comments: 249 | Hits: 11480

 **Moonlight Rush  
** JohnsBondGirl

Summary:  
John and Sherlock find themselves up against the most wanted crime ring in all of London, the Night Slashers. Will they be able to save themselves and admit their feelings for each other? 

Notes:  
Sorry the chapter is a day late! I had *too much* fun on Halloween. ;) Big thanks to my beautiful, darling beta PrinceWatson for reading through and making sure everything was perfect! It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!  
 **  
Bang**. John looked up to see Jameson, the leader of the Night Slashers climbing up towards them, gun in hand. “Shit, we’ve got company.” He rolled off of Sherlock, and nodded towards Jameson. They both quickly stood up and awaited their fate.

They were both unarmed, so facing up against an armed enemy was dangerous. John immediately noticed how scared Sherlock looked, almost as if he was shivering. Maybe he was shivering because his shirt was still unbuttoned. John took half a second to eye Sherlock’s chest and got harder. But that wasn’t the time for that. John reached over to rub circles on his back. “We’ll be okay. You ready?”

Sherlock nodded. If he was ever going to be ready, it was now. Sherlock wanted to live to see the next few hours, because he knew what he could have once Jameson was out of their way.

Jameson finally climbed onto the roof and stared at the pair, who looked completely debauched. There was a wild smirk in his eye as he swung his gun towards them. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything, boys.” He winked.

“Not at all!” John took a couple steps forward.

“John.” Sherlock warned him. He would not allow John to get himself killed. Maybe one day they’d die together fighting the ultimate criminal, but that day was not today. Even though Jameson was the leader of the Night Slashers, he had a slew of confederates surrounding him on the ground. They were everywhere, and if they died right here, right now by Jameson’s gun, then all of London would be in grave danger. “John!”

“No, you’re not interrupting anything at all, Jameson Collier.” John’s eyes squinted, taking another step towards him. Finally, John and Jameson were nose to nose. The barrel of the gun pressed close to John’s chest.

“John!” Sherlock was screaming by now, he was frozen in fear.

Jameson glanced over John’s shoulder to look at Sherlock. “Loyal fella you’ve got there huh? I bet he’s sweet on you. Follows you around the damn city like a fucking puppy dog. We know Sherlock Holmes, you see, Science of Deduction.” He smile was directed towards Sherlock. “He’s gotta website, we’ve all seen it. Everyone told us to look out for Sherlock Holmes.” He turned back to John. “But then you came to town, and now all we fucking hear about is John Watson.”

“And?”

“The only thing between you and this gun is my authority.” His harsh glare could pierce through even the toughest skin. But John Watson was tougher.

“And?”

Jameson gave him a look, and then smiled. “The Night Slashers, an underground gang of the strongest, my violent criminals London has to offer. This isn’t news to you. This isn’t news to Scotland Yard. The only people this would be news to is the public. They don’t know how organised we really are. They see murders on the news, kidnappings, beatings, armed robberies, arson, but they don’t see the connection. But…”

He looked back over to Sherlock, whose eyes were filled with tears. Sherlock couldn’t hear their conversation, as they were speaking quietly. Jameson could see that he was repeating over and over again “John.”

“But our cover is slipping and there are certain agencies who have found our link. We don’t need any more muscle, John Watson. What we need is the brains.”

“You want me to use Sherlock as a bargaining chip?”

“In simpler terms… yes. You give us Sherlock, you run away with your tail between your legs and your life. If not, well,” he crooked a toothy grin. “Then you’re both dead anyway. So, what do you say?”

John looked back behind him; Sherlock’s eyebrows turned downwards, his eyes glossy and sad. He turned back to Jameson. “Not bloody likely!” He swiftly knocked the gun out of Jameson’s hand and applied a kick to his round stomach.

“Ohhhhh!” Jameson groaned, falling towards the edge of the rooftop.

Sherlock, finally out of his frozen, fearful state ran towards John. He brushed his fingertips against John’s side, to let him know that he was okay, that he was ready to win this fight with him.

They both walked to the edge of the rooftop were Jameson was lying in pain. His gun had been knocked across the roof, so he was now unarmed. John and Sherlock then proceeded to apprehend him; Sherlock sat on his back and held his arms behind him. John kept his foot on Jameson’s head.

“My boyfriend doesn’t get used as a bargaining chip for your little gang, you hear?”

“Arrrrrg!” Jameson yelled. Sherlock’s grip on his wrists grew tighter.

“The thing is Jameson is that we just can’t kill you yet. But we can hurt you. We still need to know where the Night Slashers meet. And Jameson, you’re going to be the one to tell us.”

“I will not be a snitch!”

John Watson let out a huge laugh. “To hell you will.”

*****

After the police came and took Jameson away, John and Sherlock were left to answer a few questions.

“Thanks John, Sherlock. We couldn’t have done this without you.”

“But they’re still out there, DI Jones. We may have gotten their leader, but they’re still out there. Their organisation will crumble under the pressure though, unless they’ve got a backup leader. We have to be ready for all-out war.”

“War? You know we can’t let this get out to the public.”

“Then we’ll try and get this over with as quick as possible then.”

DI Jones nodded and him and his crew left.

Sherlock had a flirty smile on his face. “I thought they’d never leave.”

“Look how impatient you are.” John winked.

Sherlock walked close to John’s face. “Well how could I be patient when you’re over there being such a damn hero?” John wrapped his strong arms around Sherlock’s frail frame. Sherlock leaned his head down in the crook of John’s thick neck.

“I’m ready John. I want you to take me here on the roof.” Sherlock whispered against his neck.

“God, yes.” John huffed.

They kissed again. Even though it had only been an hour since their last passionate tangle of tongues, it felt like their first kiss all over again. Something new and exciting, an exploration of mouths. Fireworks. Like electricity running through their veins and then connected by their tongues. A volcano erupting. Mountains shifting. A beautiful catastrophe.

John brought his fingers down to the bottom buttons of Sherlock’s shirt, there were only two left. His impatience got the best of him, and he brought his lips down his neck again, down his chest, to his stomach. He dropped down to his knees in order to accommodate.

“Oh John that feels so good.” Sherlock murmured from above him.

“Just you wait.” John’s hands were now on Sherlock’s waistband. It was a good thing that Sherlock chose to wear sweatpants today; it was easy to just slide them right off.

“And what if someone sees?”

“Let them.”

John finished sliding the sweatpants down over Sherlock’s thighs and then followed by his pants. This motion uncovered Sherlock’s modest length. “Oh you’re so beautiful.” John whispered against his inner thigh.

Sherlock growled from above.

“I’m going to need you to lay down for me, luv.”  Sherlock complied with his demands, lying back down on the roof. Because he was nude, he thought the hard concrete would be cold, but surprisingly it was warm.

“Okay Sherlock.” He looked down at the beautiful creature below him. He was kneeling between his legs.

“Yes, please.” 

Notes:

Cliffhanger again! I am such a tease, I feel so sorry for all of you *teehee*! I’m going to be extending the chapters since I’ve stretched this one out so much. I also want to send out a big thank you to my **insider**. Yes, I have an insider, and he has given me great insight on Sherlock’s appearance. So if you want to know the deets, send me a PM!

 **ETA: I think I’m going to take a break from writing Moonlight Rush. *lesigh***

  
** Comments (51) **

**Anonymous  
** Ugh. I’m starting to think that you’re not going to write the good parts, you’ll just ~*fade to black*~ like all the others. Just give up while you’re still ahead. And let me tell you I’m not the only one who thinks this.

 **ArmyDocChicka  
** I was seriously so afraid for Sherlock! I’m really emotionally attached to him. And then I started crying when John was thisclose to getting shot. If Sherlock lost John it would tear him to pieces! Another great chapter.

 **PrinceWatson**  
Fuck the haters, Princess you’ve still got this!

 **TinkerTaylor**  
I’m not afraid to go unanon and tell you that this is shit. John and Sherlock are not in a relationship. They never will be. Get it through all of your thick heads!

 **Mellzbell** JohnsBondGirl I think you have the potential to become one of the greatest fic writers of our generation! Don’t stop because of some of the haterz. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.

 **Anonymous**  
Hi. I really like the John/Sherlock pairing and I want to write for the John Watson Blog fandom but I’m afraid because a lot of people don’t like it. What should I do?

 **PrinceWatson**  
OH NONNIE, DON’T BE AFRAID! Please don’t be scared away. <3 If you write, let me beta!! Also, STARTING A PETITION FOR MY BABYGIRL TO COME BACK AND WRITE MORE! If you’re with me, go over to my tumblr and sign the petition! You all should know the link by now ;)

 **SapphireHouse**  
I have it on good authority that Sherlock has more than just a “modest length.”

\-------------------------------------------------

 **3 November  
**   
**Does John Watson Practice Safe Sex?  
**   
**Susanna Holt**

Fans of top online blogger Dr. John H. Watson have caused a stir over new reports that he does not practice safe sex. The uproar was caused by first hand observations of Watson in multiples stores, namely a local Tesco and an upscale adult toy store in Soho. These reports have not been verified as neither person actually spoke with Dr. Watson during their encounters. The insiders have asked to remain anonymous because they fear scrutiny within the fandom community. **Read more…**

 **388 comments**  
[01 02 03 04 05 06 07 **08** ]  
 **Page 08 of 08**

If you can’t see that John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are endgame then gtfo out of the fandom. You don’t belong here!  
 **Gio Lester** 3 November 03:43

You guys I don’t think John is gay. I would care if he was, it’s just I don’t think he is. Can’t we just all respect each other’s ship? I don’t care if you ship John/Sherlock, John/Banana, John/John’s clone, John/OFC, John/OMC. I just wish we could all come together as a fandom again. *sigh*  
 **Brianna E.** 3 November 03:43 

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT JOHN AND SHERLOCK HAVE SEX. THERE IS NO EVIDENCE. YOU’RE JUST BLINDLESSLY PULLING IT OUT OF YOUR ARSES!  
 **Michelle Shane** 3 November 03:44 

if you ship john/Sherlock u r stupid. idk where they even get the idea from. stupid ppl.  
 **Anonymous** 3 November 03:45 

Gross John has loads of STDs  
 **Anonymous** 3 November 03:45

UHM, EXCUSE ME. John and Sherlock are flawless together. Your favs could never.  
 **Stacy Harkness** 3 November 03:45 

Has anyone ever thought about what John would feel if he ever saw all of that fanfiction written about him? I think shipping him with anyone is just wrong. He’s a real person, guys. Chill out. Let him shag who he wants in peace.  
 **Lisa M.** 3 November 03:46

I, for one, really enjoy shipping John with Sherlock or this great OC I came up with, Brad Jones. It’s all harmless.  
 **Ben D.** 3 November 03:47

WHAT HAPPENED TO FREE SPEECH?  
 **Anonymous** 3 November 03:47

John can fuck me w/o a condom. *giggles*  
 **Joy G.** 3 November 03:48

What happened to free shut the fuck up?  
 **Michelle Shane** 3 November 03:49

I am locking this topic. This article is not a debate about the morality of shipping real people, or whether this or that is the proper ship. This was supposed to be an exposé on safe, and healthy sexual activity between consenting adults. This is not up for discussion here. There is a sticky thread on the forum in which you can debate your OTPs. Warnings/suspensions have been sent out to the appropriate users.   
 **Susanna Holt**  3 November 03:49

 

This topic has been locked by a moderator.  
Please read our **terms of service**.  
If you break the rules, you will receive an automatic suspension.

\-------------------------------------------------

 **To:** jwatson1@johnwatsonblog.co.uk  
 **From:**  bdimmock@hotmail.co.uk  
 **Subject:** Important.

John Watson,

This is DI Ben Dimmock. I didn’t want it to have to come down to this, but I think that it’s time that you found out about what’s being said about you on the Internet by your “fans”. Perhaps we could get go down to a pub, just the two of us, and talk it over with a pint? This may be easier if I am inebriated.

Dimmock 


	5. Bill Murrary, the actor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Golf!AU smut between John Watson and his good friend, and actor Bill Murrary! PWP with a little surprise from my headcanon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially an AU, which was written before the start of season two. The dates on in this fic will not completely match up with the dates on John Watson's blog, but eventually the events of season two will come up, including something post-Reichenbach.

Rating: Explicit  
Archive Warning: No Warnings Apply  
Category: M/M  
Fandom: John Watson Blog (RPF)  
Relationship: John Watson/Bill Murray  
Additional Tags: RPF, AU, Golf  
Published: 2010-11-24 | Words: 1,154 | Chapters: 1/1 | Comments: 24 | Hits: 2634

 **Caddyshack** **  
** JWNO1FAN

Summary:  
Golf!AU smut between John Watson and his good friend, and actor Bill Murrary! PWP with a little surprise from my headcanon!

Notes:  
I’ve never actually seen Caddyshack, it looks really old lol. I’ve never actually been golfing either, nor do I know much about golfing other than hitting the ball with a club but that’s okay! Who needs it when the lads will just be fucking am I right? Unbetaed, unbritpicked! I’ve never written smut before so go easy on me guys!  
(See end for more notes)

John stepped into the private sauna of the exclusive golf club house absolutely exhausted.

It was a golf club that you had to try out for, and then you were judge based on how well you played. If you were good, you were turned away – if you were _great_ you were let in. John was great. It was his first day at the club house and all of the stares that he got from the older members scared him, but he was a former army doctor so nothing really scared him too much. When an older member gave him a look, he looked them right into the eye. He had to prove that he was meant to be here, he had to play against the head honcho of the golf club.

His name was Max Holden and he was the president of the golf club. He had been playing there since he was sixteen years old and was sort of a big fucking deal around the golf club. Everyone who had played him lost and hung their head in shame. Some left the golf club all together. Those who didn’t were always frightened to play up against Holden again because he was their fiercest competitor. Anytime that the golf club held a tornament, Holden would win hands down. He had so many trophies it wasn’t even funny. Intimidating, John thought. Max Holden tried to intimidate anyone and everything that stepped in his path, and John would not become a victim to his golf club bullying.

It was the toughest game that John ever played. But in the end, he won. Holden cried, and went over to hug his caddyboy – the caddyboy’s name was Bill. He was older, but very attractive, thought John. But he was Max’s caddyboy so he was very off limits to John.

The sauna was very steamy, so steamy that John could hardly see his hands in front of him. But it was okay because it felt so good on his golden skin. His muscles were tense and ached, it was nothing like what he had felt in Afghanistan, but golfing did something for him. Especially because of the fierce competitor he had just been up against.

He sat down on the wooden bench of the sauna. He still couldn’t see much, only making out a distant, bodily shape across from where he sat.

“Hey mate.” a velvety voice said through the steam.  It sounded like a new sort of familiar, but he couldn’t place exactly where he had heard the voice before. Surely it was somewhere in the golf club that he had heard it. Why would a non-member be naked in a members only golf club sauna? That wasn’t allowed at all! John thought back to all of the people he had encountered that day. First there was Max Holden, but that definitely wasn’t him, because Holden’s voice was not this deep. He could put it down to the effects of steam, but he didn’t think that Holden would be calling him “mate” anytime soon. He laughed to himself thinking back to the shear look of sadness on Holden’s face as he beat him. It was a hole-in-one that got him on the last hole. Holden thought he had it in the bag too! Ha!

There was also the waiter that had brought him his egg salad sandwhich and a waterbottle that day. As a member of this elite golf club, he got a free meal every time he spent a day golfing. But why would the waiter need to get into the sauna? That made no sense either.

That’s when John remembered. _Oh_. That svelt, wonderful older gentleman that was the caddyboy for Max Holden. Bill was his name. A smile swept across his face.

“Hey Bill.” John said, standing up and walking over to sit next to Bill on the wooden bench across from where he was already sitting. The towel that John was wearing slipped down just a bit. As he sat down he noticed that Bill wasn’t even wearing a towel, his impressive erection poking up at his belly, precum leaking at the tip. John began to drool, but then focused back on Bill’s face. “Fancy seeing you in the sauna”

“You know John,” Bill leaned closer to John’s face, breathing in his air, the room moist and humid from the steam, “You really played a good game today, I don’t care what Max says I think you’re a really great golfer John.” He smiled, staring down at the towel parting at John’s legs. He felt exposed, but it was so good.

“He was telling all the guys back in the club once he got back that you had cheated. I don’t know how that’s possible. Anyone with at least one functioning eyeball could tell that you’re good enough to go pro John.” He leaned in even closer, how could that even happen? He seemed impossibly close in the first place and now they were practically on top of each other.

“Oh really, I’ve never even thought about it.” John replied.

“We were all talking about you, you’re an army doctor.” Bill put his arms over John’s big muscles. “A strong,” he stroked his hands upwards, “powerful,” and downwards “soldier.” His smirk could cover his face from ear to ear. John grinned back.

“I spent years over in Afghanistan, saved lives you know?” John obviously knew where this conversation was going.

Bill’s hands traveled up his arms again and then down his chest, grazing over his nipples. John moaned and leaned closer into the touch, forcing their lips together.

After their lips tangled for a bit, they pulled apart. “And now you’re wacking balls for a living?” Bill replied.

John leaned in again to press a chaste kiss on his lips to coerce them pliant once more. “I wouldn’t say _wacking_.”

John brought his hands down to Bill’s waist as he continued his assault on his lips. Bill pulled gently at the towel that was barely still around John’s hips, it has parted enough throughout their conversation that his cock was nearly exposed.

At the sight of John’s large member, Bill could not contain his lust any longer and came all over John’s hands and abdomen. “I am… I am so sorry.” He muttered under his laboured breath. His forehead was sweat covered, but John could not tell if it was from a state of arousal or the sauna itself.

John smiled slightly, looking down at his own arousal and then back up at Bill who was obviously distressed. “It’s… fine. It’s okay. We should get cleaned up though.”

They both stood up from the wooden bench, put their towels back on, John wiping up and hiding his own cock and head for the showers.

“I could suck you off if you’d like…” Bill said as they stepped out of the sauna.

“No, it’s fine.”

Notes:  
My headcanon for Bill Murray is that his prematurely ejaculates in case you couldn’t tell!

 ** Comments (24) **

**MaiRose**  
Um he doesn’t know Bill Murray the actor tho

 **SapphireHouse**  
Predictable.

 **Anonymous  
** WTF HAHAHAH now everytime that I watch a movie with Bill Murray I will think of this!!!!! HEADCANON EXCEPTED!

 **SapphireHouse**  
Accepted.

 **JohnsBondGirl**  
*lesigh* This makes me miss writing so so much! You’ve captured John’s “it’s fine” attitude so well Lisa! Mind if I put this on my reclist?

 **JWNO1FAN  
** Thank you dawl and go right ahead! I’d love some more readers.

 **EverythingHappensToMe  
** Poor John! Left to handle that hard-on all by himself. Wish I was there to help him out, loan him a hand until he got off, or I might even let him put it in me, if you know what I mean ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **SapphireHouse  
** You have explicitly stated what you mean EverythingHappensToMe, there is no “if you know what I mean” about it. This is not the first time I’ve noticed your trite innuendos, so I suggest you work on them.

 **Anonymous**  
Damn Sapphire House got her paintes in a bunch! Not like you’ve written anything for the fandom yourself, you’re a shite fan and yet you’re attacking the actual fans. Fuck you!

 **SapphireHouse**  
I have never disclosed my gender here, nor have I disclosed it anywhere else under this alias. If I chose to write, every other story would pale in comparison.

 **JWNO1FAN  
** Can we not do this here? Take it to the PMs! And SapphireHouse PROVE IT.

 **Anonymous**  
When is anyone going to write real porn? I keep getting cockblocked by all of these fade to black or cop-out scenes. I give up on this fandom.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Hello, welcome to Petition Online!  
 **Petition for JohnsBondGirl to continue Moonlight Rush!  
Target**: JohnsBondGirl  
 **Sponsered by:** PrinceWatson

 **In early November 2010 JohnsBondGirl received many anonymous comments, threats and PMs which lead to the permanent decision to stop writing Moonlight Rush! Moonlight Rush has been the leading work of fanfiction for the John Watson Blog fandom, with her brilliant prose and writing style. With enough motivation and support I’m sure that we could get JohnsBondGirl (or as I like to call her babygirl <3) to continue writing and completely her tale. **

Moonlight Rush portrays starcrossed lovers, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes, or at least they will be if she continues the story! They were just about to shag too.

 _Summary of Moonlight Rush_ : John and Sherlock find themselves up against the most wanted crime ring in all of London, the Night Slashers. Will they be able to save themselves and admit their feelings for each other? 

Visit Moonlight Rush here.

 ** 1,594 Signatures **

#1,594: Gracey S., US  
#1,593: Joe, AU  
#1,592: penis, US  
#1,591: blahblahblah sign the petition, US  
#1,590: Katherine N. UK  
#1,589: JWNO1FAN, US  
#1,588: Harriet W., UK  
#1,587: Meredith M., UK  
#1,586: william page, US  
#1,585: Sara, UK  
(Page **1** of **160** )

\-----------------------------------------------------------

John was surprised when he first heard from Dimmock, they had never opened any extra lines of communication between them before, unless you counted the polite manner in which he regarded him at crime scenes in which were handed over to him instead of Lestrade. He knew that Sherlock preferred Lestrade over any other Detective Inspector at the Yard, deducing that Dimmock tried too hard to “fit in with the gang” (“Sherlock, never say that to look cool again.”) and attempted to impress every being capable of any level of cognition.

But John didn’t mind Dimmock, in fact, he quite liked him. But when he opened his blog email to find a message from the man labeled Important, John didn’t know what to think. His first thought was that the message was for Sherlock, perhaps he had lost Sherlock’s website and couldn’t be arsed to ask anyone else at the Yard, but that thought was dismissed immediately because no one at the Yard emailed Sherlock about cases. _No_ , that would be an abuse of power, against protocol, as if letting Sherlock investigate and solve most of their heavy hitters wasn’t already against it.

 **To:** jwatson1@johnwatsonblog.co.uk  
 **From:**  bdimmock@hotmail.co.uk  
 **Subject:**  Important.

John Watson,

This is DI Ben Dimmock. I didn’t want it to have to come down to this, but I think that it’s time that you found out about what’s being said about you on the Internet by your “fans”. Perhaps we could get go down to a pub, just the two of us, and talk it over with a pint? This may be easier if I am inebriated.

Dimmock 

 **To:** bdimmock@hotmail.co.uk  
 **From:** jwatson1@johnwatsonblog.co.uk  
 **Subject:** RE: Important

Hi? Love to. Time and place I’ll be there.

JW

The plan had been to meet at a pub right outside of town at eight, Ben would not longer be on call and he could get, as he put it, “inebriated.” Whatever it was that the young DI had to tell him, it obviously was something serious enough that he couldn’t speak of sober.

It was all rather confusing. He had scoped through a few of the comments on his blog, there was no way to sort through them all, but he’d never call any of them “fans.” He couldn’t deal with any obsessed fans like Sherlock had dealt with in the past – god forbid they run into another Moriarty.

They just liked his blog… right?

John was prepared to leave the flat well ahead of schedule, perhaps play some billiards or chat someone up before Dimmock arrived, but as always, his plans were considered null and void in the eyes of Sir Sherlock Holmes who had disappeared for thirteen hours during one of his dark moods and refused to send John even the shortest text message. The thankfully returned to the flat, in one piece, clean and sober, without injury. That right there, John called a success. Mycroft had warned him to stay with Sherlock when he wandered back in, but Mrs. Hudson, god bless her heart, accepted the role of babysitter in John’s place, just for the night.

He finally left the flat at a quarter to eight, he wouldn’t make it quite on time, but not late enough for Dimmock to feel as though he had been stood up. _God_ , he was acting like this was a date, and this certainly was not a date, he told himself. When he arrived at the pub, he found Dimmock sitting in a barseat, looking as though he had already thrown back two pints, and was working on a third. Hell. Dimmock’s head whipped around to catch him walking through the doors.

“John!” he threw his arms up in the air and dashed out of his seat to greet him, bringing him over to the bar.

“Detective Inspec...” he gave John a look of utter disgust. He recognized the look immediately; it was a look that he became all too familiar with, it was a look that Sherlock gave him on almost a daily basis when he had done something typical, ordinary. “Errr, Ben?”

Ben smiled putting an arm around him. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Ah, so he was a very happy, touchy-feely kind of drunk then. Good to know for later pub offers. “Sit down, sit down! A pint right over here!” he snapped and pointed towards John.

After the bartender brought over his pint and a few moments of very awkward and distant small talk between them, John postured towards Ben.

“You said important, something about fans?” John furrowed his brows; he was obviously still confused about what could be so important that Ben had to be completely pissed in the middle of a pub to tell him.

Ben smiled. “Your fans.”

“What?” the confusion on his face only grew.

“You know, your…” he gestured around the space of the bar with his hands, “your fans!”

“Perhaps I’m just not catching on?” John swiped his tongue across his bottom lip.

“Don’t be so modest! Your website, blog, thing. All the people. They like you, they really like you John.” Ben tipped back and finished off his third pint. “So much that they write stories about you, they talk about you, made a fan page for your, your Internet royalty John. Oh Johnny, John, Jo.”

Ben could read the complete blank stare on John’s face. “You don’t even know. I brought my laptop. WiFi in the building, thank god! They’re fighting over you John, they’re fighting about you and your life and all the things” He once again motioned to the space of the pub, as if it actually meant something. He giggled. “They write all about your life, they don’t know anything about you other than what you post on your blog. But I have a plan. Oh I have a plan.”

John’s expression didn’t change. He pursed his lips, and then tightened them. “So let me get this correct.” He took a moment, bringing his palm to his face in exasperation. “I have online fans, ones who speculate about my life and write stories… about me and my life based on my blog?”

Ben laughed, almost maniacally and then winked. “And you’re going to rock their world.”


	6. Interlude to 'Fandom Explosion'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Detective Inspector Benjamin Dimmock takes newly learned information and writes his first full-length John Watson Fandom fic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so that everyone is aware, this fic will not be completely series 2 compatible. Some elements will play in later, but as of right now Sherlock and John have not become huge tabloid stars yet.

Rating: Explicit  
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence  
Category: M/M  
Fandom: John Watson Blog (RPF)  
Relationship: John Watson/OMC, John Watson/Sherlock Holmes  
Additional Tags: Romance, Fluff, Angst, First Time, Original Character  
Series: Part 1 of The Brad Jones Case Files >>  
Published: 2010-11-27 | Words: 2,574 | Chapters: 1/1 | Comments: 31 | Hits: 2633

 **Cool Rider**    
DIDim

Summary:  
During a really, really tough case The Virgin Holmes falls in love with John Watson. John, however, has his eyes set on someone new…

Notes:  
I got a really bad plot bunny in the middle of the day yesterday and haven’t been able to stop writing since! This is going to part of a super-huge series! I’ve heard from a very very reliable insider that **Sherlock Holmes is a virgin, so I wanted to write a story that played off of that and made it very clear.**

John and The Virgin sat in their flat. It was a cozy little place, with lots of random boxes and things all about. The Virgin liked to collect things, random dead things, things that shouldn’t have been in the flat in the first place. The Virgin didn’t know why John put up with The Virgin’s antics, and John really didn’t know either. But they were happy, even though The Virgin was a total dick sometimes. More than sometimes, John thought. But their living arrangement worked out. So they continued living in their flat together.

Sometimes the police were a bit confused with their cases, so they’d ask John and The Virgin on, just for a little bit of guidance. It wasn’t that the Yard was stupid or anything, it was just that sometimes they needed a little bit of help. The Virgin and John Watson were there to provide it, plus they made their presence often around Scotland Yard. Everyone knew them by name, even if they had never really met them. They were sort of famous around the office. They even sent memos around, usually memos about updates on John’s blog, which everyone read and loved.

Everyone at the yard really loved John Watson. He was a sweet, kind, yet bamf-y sort of man, with soft, sweet smelling hair but he damn well knew his way in a fight. He was a former army man, so if you knew him, you knew not to mess with him. Anyone who he had gotten into a tussle with always ended up with a broken nose, always, no matter what. And that’s if they were lucky. If they were unlucky and they were fighting with John Watson for more than a minute they usually ended up much worse. He even once sent a man to the hospital because he punched him too hard in the kidneys.

He did this all to protect The Virgin. It wasn’t that he was in love with The Virgin; it’s just that he felt the need to protect his friend. He protested over and over and over and over and over and over and over again that he wasn’t gay. And that was true, John Watson wasn’t gay, but he was bisexual, and very proud of that! If anyone where to ask him about that, he would very happily stand up and let everyone know. He just wasn’t gay. He liked ladies. But he also liked men.

But no, he didn’t love The Virgin, not like that at least. He loved him like a good friend loves another. Of course he would be sad if The Virgin got heart, and god-forbid that he dies, John would be heartbroken. But John Watson and The Virgin were almost untouchable in the city of London.

So one day, in the middle of November some members of Scotland Yard went over to the flat. It had turned into a game. They wouldn’t use their sirens at all to go pick them up, because then it would be absolutely clear that they were there. No, they had to make it like a guessing game. If they were really quiet they could sneak up on the pair and then barge in (they had permission to) without The Virgin or John knowing. It would always be a surprise. Almost like a surprise party, except it would be the reverse.

Sometimes, whoever was sent to go pick them up would find John and The Virgin in very domestic settings. Once they were cooking together in the kitchen, John humming along to the radio that was playing a very popular song. The Virgin was not amused by that, but he tolerated it. The Virgin tolerated a lot of things in John that he wouldn’t tolerate in anyone else, and it was strange to everyone who knew him before. Nobody had ever been able to see into The Virgin, touch The Virgin (no no no no not like that you sickos, we’ll get to that) the way that John did.

So one day, in the middle of November, when the police were working on a very difficult case, they went to enlist the help of John Watson and The Virgin.

“Will you come?” the older detective inspector asked of them, his face was one of almost desperation. They had been working on this case, dealing with a serial killer, for almost three weeks now non-stop and there were no leads, no leads whatsoever. Everyone told the older detective inspector to go home, get some rest, because it seemed to everyone at the yard that he hadn’t seen the inside of his home in almost a month, choosing to sleep in his office when he had to, which as always.

John immediately answered. “Yes, of course we will. The Virgin, get dressed and get your coat!”

The Virgin got off the couch and stepped over the many boxes of books that he had laying around for absolutely no reason at all. They weren’t on a case, he knew that, and nobody ever took The Virgin as a reader of anything more than analytic jargin. That wasn’t The Virgin’s area, not much was, but it sure was John’s area. But John wasn’t the one surrounded by books; The Virgin was, so that’s why it was strange.

The Virgin came back into the sitting room dressed in a sleek white button up that tended to pull tightly at the buttons. His slacks were crisp, free of any wrinkles and tailored to perfection. When The Virgin went out on cases he was always dressed like this. Sometimes he even dressed like this while he was in the flat, although instead of his giant, batman like coat that he wore outside, he’d wear his dressing gown. Sometimes people thought that he even slept in those close, but alas, hthey had walked into the flat one day to find The Virgin wearing his pyjamas, which was not something that anyone was accustom to seeing, and it was really, really strange. It had been the talk of the yard that day though. They even sent a memo around with a picture that one of them snapped with their camera phone.

So John put on his sturdy coat, The Virgin sliding on his cape and they were wispked off to the station where they were met by another older member of the squad. His hair was just starting to grey, nothing like the first older officer who had gone completely grey somewhere in his thirties. He wasn’t terribly much older than that, and still wickedly handsome, but that’s a story for a different day.

When they arrived to the yard everyone was staring at The Virgin and John. John had just finished updating his blog and a memo was sent around to the office. Everyone had read it, and it was really, really funny because it talked about how The Virgin handled going to the zoo. It was really hilarious, and everyone laughed behind his back. The Virgin was offended, and John wanted to protect his friend. The Virgin was getting really upset, he could see it in his eyes.

John pulled The Virgin over to the side.

“Are you okay Sherlock?”

“Why did you have to put that in your blog John? They all think I’m an idiot!”

“That’s not true, and you know it!”

“No, it’s true. They’re all laughing. They think I’m one of them. They think…”

“It doesn’t matter what you think Sherlock. What matters is what your friend thinks, and I think you’re fantastic. You’re so smart Sherlock; nobody would know what to do without you.”

The Virgin smiled. “I don’t know what I would do without you John”

They were interrupted by the first older (and handsome) officer who had gone grey in his thirties. “Not to ruin your moment guys, but we could really use your help in here.”

They were lead into the older man’s office and they sat down in the chair opposite him.

“So, tell me about this case.” The Virgin said with a total lack of interest on his face. If something wasn’t interesting enough to hold his interest he would leave, leave without another word because if there was one thing that The Virgin hated it was being bored because of some boring person, and dealing with boring people. And that made him so damn annoying to everyone else. It was no wonder that they laughed at him when they could, because he was always laughing at them for being boring or idiots or something else degrading. It was terrible.

“We are completely stumped on this one. That hasn’t happened in a long time.”

John laughed. It was true that they had never been completely stumped before; they always had some sort of lead, some sort of clue of what direction to go in, but then they hit a block in the road. The Virgin and John were just there to give them a little bit of a push.

The Virgin on the other hand, was getting bored already and he hadn’t even begun to explain the case. Prat.

“So if you’ve been watching on the telly you would know by now that there is a serial killer running about.”

“Actually, Sherlock broke almost every electronic in the flat about a week ago.” He looked over at The Virgin and smiled. The virgin felt something growing in his heart. It wasn’t like anything he had felt before; it was so strange to him. He put the feeling aside to classify later, right now he had to deal with whatever case they wanted him to do now and it was going to kill him, this boredom, it was.

“Okay.” The older detective inspector said.

“Well we’ve got three murders so far. All identical, and we really can’t find much out at all. Free of prints, completely clean. They’re just all dead, and we don’t even know.” He hung his head in shame. This was embarrassing.

“Hmm.” He said. “We have to see the bodies. Right now.”

Rude.

“What Sherlock means to say is that in order for us to really know anything we’ll need to see the bodies.”

“Yes, that’s fine. We can set that up for tomorrow morning, but it’s getting late so why don’t you boys get home.”

As they walked out of the office they bumped into someone new. Someone they hadn’t seen at the yard before. Someone… handsome, gorgeous really, and a really nice arse to go along with it—

He gave a quick smile, his glowing white, perfectly straight teeth showing through his full lips. “Sorry.” He was confident, John could tell for sure, and he was immediately attracted to the man.

John held out his hand, like the true gentleman he was. “Doctor John Watson, formerly of the RAMC,” John’s eyes were full of brooding lust and attraction. The Virgin didn’t like it.

“Brad, Brad Jones.” The strange man extended his hand to take John’s. Brad’s eyes contained the same exact look that John’s did. It was incredible and as their hands met there was a spark. It was like electricity. It was so good.

Brad smiled even wider now, their hand still connected. “How would you like to go get a drink, I’m getting off right now.” He winked.

John cleared his throat, it was becoming dry. “I’d love to.”

John turned to The Virgin. “You head back to the flat, don’t wait up.”

John then left with DI Brad Jones.

The Virgin went back to his flat. He was upset for some reason, not an emotion that he liked all that much. It wasn’t something that he felt often either. It was earth shattering. He sat down on the sofa and contemplated his life.

Meanwhile, John and Brad were at the pub, downing lots of pints. They were pretty drunk and handsy. John kept noticing how fit Brad was. He wondered what he looked like without pants on.

“I wonder what you look like without pants on.” John whispered in Brad’s ear and giggled. Brad thought it was really cute and smiled. He just wanted to put his hands all over the strong man!

“That can be arranged, Doctor.” Brad said, his voice even deeper than it was initially.

John Watson was really well liked by everyone around him. But Brad Jones was even better liked. Who knew that someone could be liked even greater than John Watson? It was a mystery to anyone, but when they first met Brad Jones they were captivated by his cool style, his hair, his clothes, the way he held himself, his confidence, his words, his voice, his everything. He was the talk of the town, and he had only just arrived three days ago.

He made a really big splash at the met because when he first accepted the job and went to his first day he rolled up in his super cool, new car. It was decked out in a bunch of new technology and his stereo was blasting Queen.

Bohemian Rhapsody, that is.

And when everyone at Scotland Yard heard him roll up and the song came on, they all ran out and started to sing. Even the older, handsome detective inspector with the premature greying joined in, and had played air guitar. Everyone hovered around Brad’s cool car and sang, and danced, and Brad felt so cool.

Once the song was over, everyone, including the people on the street were clapping.

It was a great memory. He’d always remember.

“We should head back to your place.” Brad said, suggestively smirking.

“My flatmate is in though.”

“Who cares?”

“You’re right.”

They left the pub and went to the flat.

When John opened the door with his key, they were giggling trying to be quiet. The Virgin was still on the sofa contemplating all of the things, and they were trying to hide the fact that they were there.

They quietly tip-toed up the stairs to John’s bedroom, which was neat and organized and romantic all at the same time. They were still giggly, because they were drunk, but they couldn’t stop touching each other. Even if it was just simple little touches on the arm, they knew that their connection and that their attraction was powerful and wild.

So electric.

> Oh won’t you take me home tonight  
>  _Oh down beside your red firelight  
>  Oh and you give it all you got  
>  Fat bottomed boys you make the rocking world go round  
>  Fat bottomed boys you make the rocking world go round_

Brad sang to John and gave him a great big slap on his arse. His voice was so great, almost as great as Freddie Mercury, but it would be sacriligeous to call himself better than the God of Rock.

All night, John Watson rode Brad Jones’ cock. It was wonderful. It was so powerful and orgasmic and they both came three times before they were so worn out that they couldn’t even move.

They spent the entire night wrapped in each other’s arms, and they kissed and snuggled and they held each other so tight.

The Virgin, Sherlock Holmes sat downstairs on the sofa the entire time, sulking. He could hear what was going on. He wasn’t stupid, and everyone knew that, and he was very upset at this turn of events.

How could he ever compare with Brad Jones?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may also note that I have upped the chapters to 221, because I could go on forever writing bad!meta!fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note, if you choose to comment: Be the fandom, within the fandom. :) <3


End file.
